So, naturally, I was pleased when the inevitable live-action movie came to be. When they started announcing the cast for it I was mostly pleased, but you know how I love to make snap judgments and make outlandish claims right? So this fucking guy that's playing Duke, Channing Tatum or some shit, he's the guy that was in Step Up and Step Up 2: Dancing In Space. Really, Hasbro and/or Paramount? You want the Dancing Queen to play Conrad fucking Hauser? I'm going to call him Private Dancer from now on.
Other Questionable Castings:
Sienna Miller as The Baroness - Sienna Miller couldn't act her way into my pants and I'm really lonely.
Marlon Wayans as Ripcord - I like Marlon, I think he's hilarious. But this is a movie about an elite Special Ops team, not High Times At Smoke Pot High.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander - Don't be suprised if you don't recognize the name, this should help: he played Tommy on 3rd Rock From The Sun. You know, John Lithgow's son. This is like Corky from Life Goes On being cast to play Hitler. What the fuck, man? Come on.
Hopefully these other, more brilliant castings will save it.
Ray "Darth Maul" Park as Snake Eyes
Christopher "Doctor Who" Eccleston as Destro
Arnold "Imhotep" Vosloo as Zartan
and, finally
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty - he was Adebisi on Oz, Wombosi in Bourne Identity and Mr. Eko on Lost - I think he's great.
Other things that sort of piss me off: No Shipwreck, Gung-Ho, Roadblock, Lady Jaye, Firefly, Beachhead, Flint or Dusty.
Sure, Heavy Duty is Roadblock's cousin but that's like having Michael Jordan's cousin play for the Bulls instead of Michael Jordan.
You have Scarlett so you don't need Lady Jaye.
You have General Hawk so you don't really need Dusty. Also, Paramount, General Hawk is NOT Flint, so why the fuck does he look like Flint in the promos? I get it, I do. All these leader types sort-of blend together and if you had them all people would be like "now, is that Dusty or Flint or Hawk or Duke? What the fuck?" Just don't combine the characters, man.
You have Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow so you don't need Beachhead or Firefly (no matter how completely badass they are)
However, there is no excuse for not having Shipwreck or Gung-Ho. They are two of the characters you think of when you think of GI Joe and I personally think it's ridiculous that they're not in it. They're fucking icons, people.
Personal Fav that didn't make it: Salvo
Salvo was never mainstream popular, but when me and my friends would get together to play Joes, Salvo was my go to guy, my long range big-hitter. I relied on him and he always came through. How could you not when you carry around a huge fucking missile launcher and wear a shirt that says "The Right of Might"
Despite the negatives I've mentioned, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that the movie lives up to my childhood expectations and that it garners at least a couple sequels that feature some of the guys that should have made the cut.
Oh and I forgot to mention maybe the coolest thing of all - Larry Hama has a cameo in the movie. (justifiably so) How fucking sweet is that? Larry Hama is the man that made GI Joe come to life for so many young men during the 12 year run of the original GI Joe comic. He's sort of a legend, people, show some respect. Hama took what could have been a 28 page advertisement for a TV show and a toy franchise and turned it into a viable and compelling series. I have all 155 issues of the series and I believe it holds up pretty damn well.
20 comments:
I don't believe a movie called "Step Up 2: Dancing in Space" every existed.
I'm going to Google it right now.
ever existed.
And it didn't.
It's Step Up 2: Dancing in the Streets.
You got me all excited for nothing.
Fucker.
I was trying to make it sound cooler. Or, at least, less gay.
What?
Sorry, Grandpa. I forgot you were a hundred years old.
sienna miller is AWFUL.
but joseph gordon levitt has actually done some good work since 3rd rock, like brick and mysterious skin.
I don't care about ANYTHING as much as you care about GI Joe. That says awful things about both of us.
I agree. The cast sounds horrible. It would be like Arnold Shwarzenegger playing Mr. Freeze, oh, wait...
The cast should be composed completely of the original voice actors and there should be a cameo by everyone who ever had anything to do with the making of the series, comics or assembly of the toys.
The cast should be composed completely of the original voice actors and there should be a cameo by everyone who ever had anything to do with the making of the series, comics or assembly of the toys.
Fuck you, you fuckin' fucker.
That's right -- you!
You fuckin' foucker., Fucker.
you talkin to me?
This explains so much.
I would never talk that way to my favorite Canadian cutie pie.
I was talking to the odious owner of this blog.
I've always suspected that he was odious.
I'm pretty sure I told you I was odious.
That's why i suspected it.
First of all Sienna Miller is widely considered to be a great young actress. Go watch her indie films, she consistently gets great reviews especially for her american accent.
Secondly, Gordon Levitt has given several great dramatic performances, ever seen Brick or The Lookout or Stop loss ? Let me guess you only watch mainstream movies and have never even heard of his indie films.
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